Dog Grief
If you've shared your heart and home with a dog, you will no doubt feel a great sense of loss and sorrow when you lose her. No matter how old your dog was, how many years you had together, or how expected her death, the grief can be overwhelming.
Coping with loss
Connect with people who understand. Dealing with your grief honestly can help you move through it. Try to ignore comments like, "It was just a dog." Dogs are family members, and it's entirely appropriate and expected that you would grieve the loss deeply. Avoid people who don't understand--they simply don't--and connect with other dog people who do.
Memorialize your dog if you think it will help. One way to work through your grief is to arrange for some kind of memorial. Whether that means a headstone, urn, or donation to a dog-related charity, a task that relates to your grief will make you feel better. Many types of headstones and urns are specifically designed for dogs.
Consider getting another dog. Many people have a strong opinion on this topic--and offer it unsolicited. "Get another right away" or "Wait a few months before do something impulsive" may be good advice. But most people prefer to come to their own conclusions in their own time. If you're the recipient of such advice, do your best to politely shrug it off; you'll know when the moment is right.
Dogs grieving another dog
Sometimes the other dog or dogs in the household grieve so deeply that they stop eating, jeopardizing their own health. This is more likely to happen if the dogs had never been separated. If any of your dogs react to a loss so strongly they become ill, take them to the veterinarian. The pack has undergone a major transition, and it will take some time to adjust. Some dogs will perk up when a new companion arrives, while others acclimate just fine to their singleton status. Either way, take care to spend plenty of time with your remaining dog.
Dealing with someone else's grief
Dealing with someone else's loss is best done with tact, patience, and a willingness to listen rather than to speak. Most people don't like hearing, "I know just how you feel." It often sounds patronizing or condescending, even though you don't mean it to. Better to say something like, "I know your dog meant so much to you."
Though it can be awkward to try to comfort someone whose pet has died, it's important to acknowledge that there was a loss. Numerous books deal with the issue, and they can make thoughtful gifts when a beloved dog has passed. One such classic is Dog Heaven, by Cynthia Rylant.
Bottom line: There's no getting around it: if you loved the dog, you're going to be sad--and the grief may last longer than you expect. Don't let others tell you how to feel or what to do; only you know what makes sense for you.
Experts Questions and Answers
We've been thinking about getting another dog for our English Bulldog, Dante. His sister, Ella, passed two weeks ago and he's never been without an...May 25th, 2009
My dog is getting on in years. She's got arthritis and a heart murmur. I love her and I'm going to miss her, and I'm not sure if I'm holding onto h...May 25th, 2009
It's time to put my dog, Bingo, to sleep. I don't know how to say goodbye to my best friend. How do I let him go?May 25th, 2009
My dog was diagnosed with cancer and died several months later. I'm devastated. How can I cope with this grief?May 25th, 2009
How do I determine when it's time to say goodbye to my elderly dog?May 25th, 2009
My best friend--a terrier--has just died and I want to have a memorial service for her. Is this weird?July 9th, 2009
I had a memorial service for my dog, but I still feel devastated by the loss. What can I do?August 5th, 2009
What am I buying when I pick up dog food labeled "for seniors"?May 25th, 2009
How do I know if my dog is getting enough exercise?May 27th, 2009
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I had to put down my dog 14 years ago. She was a chow/lab mix. Brittney did everything with me she was my best friend and loved her more than I have ever loved anything other than my child. I have never been able to handle the guilt of seeing her being taken to her death at my hands and never forgiven myself for fighting harder for her. Some kids in the neighborhood kept bothering her and she nipped them and I was ordered to put her down. Why is that? They antagonize her so she has to defend herself and she gets murdered for it and they make me do it! Recently my son has wanted a dog and I found one that looked just like Britt and I wanted her so badly but because she was coming from another country and there was some paperwork issues with the other owner I ended not being able to get her and my son picked out a Lab/Beagle mix from another state. She is a perfect dog in every way, she doesn't bark unless she senses danger, she obeys my every command, she kennels happily, she does everything you want a dog to do. I just can't stop thinking of Britt every time I look at her. The guilt and this overwhelming sense that I can't go through that again. I still cry deeply at the thought of her. I have never let this dog in bed with me. Britt spent all her time in my bed and never even knew what a kennel was. They lived very different lived. Britt was family this one is the pet. I don't know how to change that...for the dog's sake. She deserves better. She is cared for and given everything any dog could want except my heart and soul. I can't because I am still grieving the loss of my dog and it will be 15 years in the spring. Not sure what to do. Julie about 1 month ago by Anonymous |
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I had to put down my dog 14 years ago. She was a chow/lab mix. Brittney did everything with me she was my best friend and loved her more than I have ever loved anything other than my child. I have never been able to handle the guilt of seeing her being taken to her death at my hands and never forgiven myself for fighting harder for her. Some kids in the neighborhood kept bothering her and she nipped them and I was ordered to put her down. Why is that? They antagonize her so she has to defend herself and she gets murdered for it and they make me do it! Recently my son has wanted a dog and I found one that looked just like Britt and I wanted her so badly but because she was coming from another country and there was some paperwork issues with the other owner I ended not being able to get her and my son picked out a Lab/Beagle mix from another state. She is a perfect dog in every way, she doesn't bark unless she senses danger, she obeys my every command, she kennels happily, she does everything you want a dog to do. I just can't stop thinking of Britt every time I look at her. The guilt and this overwhelming sense that I can't go through that again. I still cry deeply at the thought of her. I have never let this dog in bed with me. Britt spent all her time in my bed and never even knew what a kennel was. They lived very different lived. Britt was family this one is the pet. I don't know how to change that...for the dog's sake. She deserves better. She is cared for and given everything any dog could want except my heart and soul. I can't because I am still grieving the loss of my dog and it will be 15 years in the spring. Not sure what to do. Julie about 1 month ago by Anonymous |
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We had to put our dog Murphy to sleep about a week before Christmas. He was no longer able to walk and the vet advised us it was time. I can't get over the pain and guilt because I knew if he could have walked that we might have had him with us a little longer. We shared 13 wonderful years with him. I picked up his ashes today and the pain just overwhelmed me again. I miss him so much. I need help to get through the pain and would appreciate any advice about 1 month ago by Anonymous |
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Midge, One step at a time. Knowing that just talking about it and not keeping it inside will help. Talk to people who own a dog because they understand what you are going through. Where people who don't own a dog will not. Don't let anyone tell you that it was just a dog. Get over it. It could take days, months or years or never. Remember the great times you had will your dog that made you laugh or smile and hold on to that. I understand. I lost 2 dogs in a matter of 2 years. So I do understand. I had my westie for 11 1/2 years and miniature schnauzer for 15 1/2 years. I still miss them very much. Lost Miniature Schnauzer 4/6/2011 and the Westie 11/4/2009. The hurt will lesin in time, but in your time. God Bless!! 2 months ago by Anonymous |
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